1:15 am


Pay attention to me before it’s too late.
Someone reading under the lines was something I did expect

Got a bad habit to over explain.
Still my words go into vain

Every time my words are cut feels like am cut deep in my chest.
Being vocal about it wasn’t the best

I finally realise the value of hearing ears
Who listens to my silent tears

Not that am privileged enough to have one
I wld rather have hands to trigger of the gun

Please hear me out I finally begged
I wish I was dead instead

I shall decide to walk a path where self is the only place.
Will never allow anyone in my space.

Maybe ignorance was in my fate.


Now it’s too late.

Present, future and Me !

I visualise them.
My future and my present locking horns in a battle.
Right in front of me whilst the macrocosm in my head spins in a pirouette, It announces itself stonkered after floundering so much.
Will they ever glance at me and consider what I actually have been longing for? What I actually want is so far fetched yet so basic.
I demand humble things.
Kind minds with kinder souls, Eyes that can study me, Ears that can catch my silence, words that can pour warmth to the cold shattered pieces and hands that can lead me.Irony is apparently these are the most materialistic elements today.

What I actually want is not to stay stagnant in present and rot.What i actually want is not to chase future so much that I lose the sight of my spot.


The deep rooted negative discourse has me turning and tossing. The bedspread tangled in a web is much easier to untangle than the web of my unchanneled thoughts.

Do I want this? Maybe the web is yet to be untangled, yet to be threaded into a single fragile silk string.
The bedspread tangled in a web is much easier to untangle than the web of my unchanneled thoughts.

Do I want this? The present, holding me to dream while the future asking me chase it.
Its okay.. a tiny voice inside me resonates.
Somewhere deep inside me, it tugs. They call it conscience, I call it inside noise.
Maybe the silk string is getting stronger everytime they try to pull it and tangle it more.
I let them both play with the strings and tangle it more and more for me. I let them once, twice, thrice. Oh, who are they kidding?
But there comes a night when these 4 am thoughts decide for me and the silk string.

It is enough.
The string has strenghtened. Now whoever tries to pull it, get a nasty deep cut.

Note : Many thanks to my dear friend Vaishnavi Surve for helping me out.

3: 54 am

You waited for so long to get it that you did not wanted it anymore. You even decided to even move on and not wait for that one thing you wanted so desperately, things were so dead set.  

And guess you did move on.
You came off, surmounting the long standing will to have it, in no time.

But there is a plot twist, just after you moved on and did not care enough of it anymore, It blows in your life.. just on your door step !
And, you were in love with the idea of having it so much that you couldn’t resist. Everything happened so suddenly that you couldn’t blow it off.And now after few months of having it you are stuck, not enjoying it anymore, not caring about it enough. That’s what happens with the things when people have them because they are merely in love with the IDEA of having them.

Note : Came up with something in just 4 minutes with no edits.

 Might delete later

Hey ! 

hey, 

what’s up? 

I’ve been looking for you.

Who am I? 

*chuckles slowly* 

I am the voice that will follow you everywhere, I know all your insecurities and I’ll use it against you. I’ll get to a point where the only voice you can hear in the room is ME! And guess what? I am here for no good intentions. I am going to challenge your ability to think, to sleep, to eat and even breathe. I will give butterflies in your stomach, not those which you get when you see your crush. These little monster will rip of your stomach and leave you overwhelmed. I know, *long pause* I know you will try to get rid of me but dont you worry… I’ll be waiting for you there, in the foyer ! To follow you religiously when you return to fill your room with dread. And finally after a long day when you will be resting on bed I’ll make you question your value, your pride and yourself. Since I have your back now I’ll make you spend your energy just to be normal.

“Well It’s funny how you become villain in someone’s story and a hero for some. But it’s wierd If you become both, in a story that belongs to you.”

Your’s sincerely,

Anxiety.




The versatile blogger award.

This is my first ever nomination. Thanks The shining gem for nominating me. 

The Versatile Blogger Award features bloggers who love what they do and show their passion virtually.  As the web page about the Versatile Blogger Award says: Honor those bloggers who bring something special to your life whether everyday or only now and then.

Rules for the nominations:

  • Thank the person who nominated you.
  • Nominate up to 15 bloggers for this award and inform them.
  • Share seven facts about yourself.
  • Put the logo of Versatile Blogger in your post and display the rules also.

Seven things about me : 

1. I’ll love any kind of food.

2. I am choosy ( if we talk about shopping).

3.I am an ambivert. 

4. I dont know what settling for less means.

5. You cannot maintain doubles standards or be a liar when it comes to me.

6. Allergic to over sweet people.

7. An empath.

I nominate 

1. The Emma Edit

2.Vishal Bheeroo

3.Wole Adeoye

4.COUGHED UP THOUGHTS

Frank Solanki

6.Lushtivity

Simple Serenity 
8. tears and tantrums

9. Life of a Teenage Ranter

10.Darlene Foster’s Blog

11.TheCagedBirdSings

12.Love Relished With Ink

13.prasenjit.

14. PaleGirlRambling

15.A budding writer

Please do leave the link to your post if you decide to do this. I would like to know more about my fellow bloggers. See you all soon and stay blessed!

To the people I couldn’t nominate, I am sorry. 

NO! Not yet.. 

images (24)If I categorize life it would be in 3 stages — childhood, teenage and adulthood. I will be finally saying a goodbye to my adolescence very soon but before that, my teenager-self wants to convey this message to the future me. Here it goes :
Dear future me,

           You never know you may find yourself all defeated, at lowest of the low. You may find yourself giving up. Before you do, let me remind you that you just cannot abandon me by giving up yet. Because, it’s not only about you but us. It has been about you and me and it has to be the same way, whether snorting in laughing or crying in the shower. You endured agony, you shed tears in distress, you craved for someone’s nearness, you craved for care, for some affection and most importantly for someone’s time. Your hankerings weren’t satisfied although, you contrived to be happy. You contrived to survive. You survived when I called you a loser, ugly and you even survived being juxtaposed throughout all your adolescent life. 

          All I can say is sorry. I am contrite! Sorry for not believing in you, for scorning you, for uttering such words which I wouldn’t even have addressed my worst enemy as. Lastly, I am sorry for not loving you.

          Since I believe in you and love you now, I can only request you to do one thing : don’t abandon me by giving up!

Negative self talk is the most common teenage problem which exerts bad influence on mental health. Let go the victim mentality and set yourself free. Be aware of your inner critic. 

So what are you feeling today ?

images (3)

How often do you feel worthless? Once in a month ? Or daily? Everyone has blues in their lives, has this lasted for more than it Should have? and you are not able to discern your own feelings? Well, it is totally fine that you are not able to peel off those unwanted feelings. Although your depression is not as shallow as the chemical changes (which induces depression), it’s all about our brains only. The phrase Its how you take it will square in this matter.

Let us take an example of me and my mother ; for me ,my muddled up room is not even an issue but for her it is and she gets that fake mental breakdown until it is in an ‘ apple-pie-order’! So, what I want is you to arrive at a very simple conclusion that we attract what we are full of : A negative person allures only negativity.

No you dont need a travel plan to wash away the negativity which has been augmented in your psyche or help from such people who are not even this close to gather their own life . All you need is a serene place to ruminate. And ask yourself these three questions :

1. The way I feel right now am I going to feel the same way even after 10 days from now?

2. Will my current problem (like, failure,criticism,rejection,grades,irritating boss/colleagues.) will they matter to even after 10 months?

3. Where do I see myself after 10 years?

If you get excited and get scared at the same time with the 3rd question you are absolutely dreaming it right! Whoever is reading this just remember ,

“ If you succeed in your life you get powerful ; If you fail in your life you get wiser ’’

~ For all the one’s feeling depressed : you are not alone !

Ps: Thank you everyone for giving me so many view for my last blog. The language may vary Because these all are written when I was 15 or 17. Do comment for any opinions /suggestions.

Thankyou 😘

Letter to my future son/daughter.

5899531-newborn-photography-tips-4Dear future son / daughter,

      I am going to one day ,notice a change in your tone,your eyes will look weary and broken. I won’t ask you what’s wrong.I will wait till you are fast asleep. I will climb into bed with you. I will hug you close and not say a word for a moment. You will wake up confused and i will see your eyes from crying. I wont ask you whats wrong and tell you to come with me to your favourite restaurant,i will get you your favourite food . I will grab your face and tell you to look at me. You are a blessing,you are a bright star. Do you see that star shining up there? Thats you! You are that bright star. Dont burn out just yet ,you are UNIQUE, INTELLIGENT , BEAUTIFUL . You are YOU. Do not ever think any less of you.you continue to shine bright.

     I won’t ask what’s wrong because I know what’s wrong. I have been there ,my mother was not there but I am here for YOU. 

 

Ps: So this is my first blog guys i hope you like it ,dont forget to leave a comment and let me know about your opinions

Stay tuned.. xoxo

Website Built with WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: